


Promise You'll Wait?

by Serafim3389



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ben is Dean's Kid, Dean and Cas get separated, Dean has dyslexia, Fluff and Angst, High School Flashbacks, I'm sure there's going to be a couple lengthy smut scenes, M/M, Marriage?, Mention of Lisa/Dean, Sam used to have leukemia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serafim3389/pseuds/Serafim3389
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two young boys who went from best friends to lovers, learned just what the other meant early on. With Dean being pulled in different directions, Castiel is home. The only thing it took to separate them in their fragile teenage years was a fire. Fifteen years later, after not seeing each other since that night Dean somehow shows up at Castiel's apartment. They say you never stop loving your first, but sometimes love isn't always enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Two young boys ran through the woods, one had just turned seven and the other still six. The sun had finally warmed the outside to the point where the boys could wear their shorts and t-shirts again. It was the first day that the two had been able to play outside in a week and they were both excited to see each other again.

“Slow down, Dean!” A small, almost timid voice shouted, “You know I’m not as fast as you yet!” Even though he couldn’t keep up with his best friend, little Castiel never once gave up.

Dean stopped for just second for the other boy to catch up. Little Dean was a brave boy with freckled cheeks, light brown hair, and eyes the kind of green that the leaves had with the noon sun beaming through them, full of life. “I’m sorry, Cassie. I like running.” Even though Dean was a rough-and-tumble kind of kid, he had a soft spot for Castiel that he would only act upon years down the line.

Castiel smiled when he caught up, “It’s okay. I know you do.” He tilted his head to the side, “but sometimes could you wait for me?” The young boy, who happened to be seven, asked with innocence and honesty rather than the irritation other children would have expressed. Castiel was the child that was honest and sincere. He was very sensitive and could empathize with others well, and his friend Dean would always tell him if there was something wrong. He liked that since the grown-ups always tell him ‘nothing’s wrong honey,’ or ‘don’t worry about me, you go play’.

 Castiel’s dark hair always lightened up in the sun and today would be the day to give it a jump. Dean was drawn to Castiel’s eyes and on more than one occasion, Dean had told him how much he liked to look at them. The older boy had the bluest eyes. Sometimes they took the color of the deepest oceans, and other times the color, in Dean’s words, of Kool-Aid. Castiel was too shy to admit it, but he liked Dean’s freckles.

Dean’s freckles faded with the sun every fall, but his cheeks became peppered with them as soon as spring emerged, and there was no doubt that Dean would catch his friend trying to count them. Dean nodded his head, “Yeah, I promise.” That was another thing about Dean. He _always_ kept his promises. The freckled-boy gave his friend a warm smile that seemed to only come out for him.

There were many days like these. The ones where the boys would wake up, have breakfast and meet in the backyard, they were neighbors. Some days they went on adventures walking the trails and each one led to somewhere new, others they climbed trees. Castiel would usually bring a book along and read in one of the branches while Dean secretly watched. He had developed a crush on his best friend, but ‘boys are supposed to like girls’ so he knew better than to say something.

Little did he know, the blue-eyed boy would feel the same way in the years to come. The two were totally inseparable and became closer to each other with every year that passed. It seemed that the two were really soul-mates.

Dean and Castiel went to a school where at some point in the summer the parents would receive this form in the mail. This half-sheet of paper had five long lines from one side to the other with the instructions of listing any student that your child would want to have in their class. Of course the Winchesters and Mrs. Novak knew exactly who to put down. As it would turn out, the boys managed to be together every year through middle school.

There were a few nights when they had gotten a little older, in the lucky few months that the two were the same age of 13, that Dean found himself nestled into the chest of his best friend. The older boy would always reach an arm around and hold him close. There was always something in Castiel that made him want to protect the freckle-faced teen.

One morning, Castiel’s mother opened her son’s bedroom door to see the duo wrapped up in each other and only smiled. She had not one doubt in her mind that those boys would end up as lovers. She saw it first when Dean had given her son a small replica of a Chevy impala. “It’s my favorite toy and I want you to have it.”

“But it’s your favorite.” Castiel tilted his head in confusion.

Dean smiled wide, “You’re my favorite person so when you see that you can think of me!”

The boys were too engrossed in what they were doing, that when Mary flashed her a look, she looked back with the ‘I told you so’ face. Dean’s mother really didn’t care what her children did, it was her husband that would have something to say. He had this image of the way things were supposed to be and this was to be the first item, on a soon to be long, list that went against John’s view.

Later that day, Castiel had given Dean his favorite book on honeybees. He didn’t really have a favorite toy, so that was the gift he gave. “When you’re sad and I’m not around, read about the honeybees and then you can think about the next time we can climb our favorite trees!” The older boy smiled bright and Dean pulled his friend into a tight hug.

When the boys were 16 and 15, they had shared their first kiss. It was rather cute, the two were so nervous because neither had a clue about the other’s feelings. Gabriel, Cas’ older brother, constantly picked on the boys because they always looked like a couple, but when he moved out the teasing stopped and the doubts crawled into their minds.

“You know how when you like someone that you’ve known for a really long time, but you don’t know how they feel?” Dean looked up at the clouds rolling in front of the stars that were slowly appearing in the darkening sky.

Castiel nodded, “Yeah, why?” He felt a surge of adrenaline as he nervously looked down to the ground.

Dean felt the same rush in his veins, “Well, I don’t know how to tell them.” He wanted so badly to just be out with it, to confess to his best friend that he wanted more than friendship, but his fear of rejection and destroying the relationship they already had was too great.

“Who is it? If I know her I can probably help you find the best way to tell her.” Of course Castiel didn’t want the boy next to him to say anyone’s name but his, he knew better though. Dean was straight as a pin. Castiel knew that he was different from other boys and when he finally figured out that the difference was that the liked boys, the only person he told was Dean. He just shrugged his shoulders and told him that he was glad he told him.

The green-eyed teen gave an uneasy laugh, “I can’t tell you.”

“Okay.”

They sat in silence against the base of ‘their’ tree and watched the sky darken and the moon rise. Even with a situation as strange as this, the two still enjoyed each other’s company. In all the years they had been friends, not once had they fought. They both looked at the stars that spotted the sky and their eyes landed on the same star. Happened every time too. They would never tell each other, but they always wished on the same speck of light with the same wish. The wish was never formed with words, rather pictures of a hope to be memory or future.

The reel of film that was plugged into their mental projectors played a movie of kisses and cuddles. They envisioned holding hands as they ran through the woods in brightest of summer days. They would crawl up to their favorite branch of their favorite tree and Dean would lean against the trunk while Castiel maneuvered his way to sit in his legs. The blue-eyed boy would pull out one of the books he always had with him and he would read aloud. Dean would close his eyes and listen to the voice that took him away from the world and dropped him into the clouds.

When Castiel would read to him he could learn. When those green eyes would focus on a page, letters would twist themselves and flip around making it all an indecipherable mess. He could power through a lot of it and retain some information, but nothing could compare to his best friend reading books about a medieval style world where wolves, lions and dragons fought for a single throne to rule them all. And boy did Castiel love it when he would turn to see Dean with the greatest smile on his face at the end of each chapter or when his favorite character overcame an obstacle. Much like rereading our own favorite parts of stories, Dean would ask for a reading of certain parts and of course the older boy would oblige.

The teens sat under their tree and hope welled inside them as they played their movies of a future that neither knew would come true.

“It’s you, you know.” It took a lot of courage for Dean to even take the breath in to speak.

Castiel tilted his head and squinted, “Me?”

The younger teen smiled softly, “The one I like. It’s you.” Castiel opened his mouth, but no words came out. He was so happy, relieved and excited. His face obviously didn’t show that because Dean looked at him wide-eyed. “I’m sorry!” He jumped up, “I gotta go, I’m sorry.” He began to walk away.

“Dean, wait!” He called out as he stood up, but Dean kept walking away. Dean had begun running. Castiel was quick to pick up the pace too, “Dean! You promised you would wait for me!”

That was all it took for the scared boy to stop dead in his tracks. Tears stung in his eyes because he was so terrified at what he had done. He thought that Castiel would never reciprocate those feelings and he just ruined his friendship. Even though his friend was gay, it did not mean that he had the hots for every guy out there, so why would he expect anything more? Still, he did stop and wait just like he promised years ago.

Castiel finally caught up to where he stood, just outside the boundaries of the woods, and looked at Dean. He reached up before Dean could and wiped away the only tear that escaped, “Dean, why did you run from me? You couldn’t wait to see what I’d say?” Even though he was elated, he was also irritated, “You couldn’t wait for me to tell you that I feel the same way?” He punched Dean in the arm.

Dean laughed and wiped his other eye, “So what do we do now?” He looked into his friend’s eyes. Whenever he looked into them, no matter what, he was home. He felt like every answer was right in front of him even though there weren’t any questions left to ask. There had been so much happening in his life so far that having Castiel, and to have been able to admit his feelings, was slightly overwhelming. Tears filled his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m crying so much right now.”

Dean was quickly wrapped up in a tight embrace. All the green-eyed boy could do was bury his head in Castiel’s shoulder and hug him back. His baby brother Sam was only four years old and was diagnosed with leukemia. His parents were constantly fighting and arguing about money. Dean didn’t care about birthdays or Christmas presents, all he wanted was for his brother to be healthy again. It hurt so much that the only thing Dean could do to help his brother was to be by his side.

In the hospital, when Sammy would get his chemo treatments, he would sit in the chair with him and read him stories as he fought back tears whenever he got sick. He remembered one night, shortly after his first or second round of chemo, he felt a tug on his arm, “Dean.” He woke up immediately and jumped out of bed. Little Sammy was crying and pointing to his head, “Will mommy and daddy be mad at me? I got hair on my pillow.” Now his little brother had no hair. He was very thin and it terrified Dean.

He did everything in his power to make sure he ate and drank those nasty smoothie mixes that help people gain weight. He didn’t know much about what was happening inside Sam’s body, but he prayed every single night that the doctors would fix it.

And now, standing in the arms of his best friend having a total breakdown was, unbeknownst to him, the beginning of something so beautiful and wonderful. He would never see it as such, but he would look back and see the staple that Castiel was in his life.

He looked up after calming down, Castiel rested his forehead against his own, “Oh Dean, I know you’re going through a lot. You know I won’t leave you. I love you too much.”

Dean’s breath hitched at the last sentence and smiled. Cas reached to lift Dean’s chin. There was a stray tear still crawling down his cheek and Cas wiped it away. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to the other teen’s. It was a gentle, chaste kiss. They held on to each other under the moonlight and time seemed to slip away for a bit. The world didn’t seem so scary and the thought crossed Dean’s mind that everything was going to be alright.

Dean and wondered what Cas’ lips would feel like and he was right. Even though he had perpetually chapped lips, they were still soft against his. He screamed internally at how much he enjoyed this, how long he waited to enjoy it.

Castiel also wondered about Dean, he was right too. They both really had no idea what they were doing when their lips began to move, but Dean’s lips were warm and plush. It didn’t take long though, for their lips to move together as if they were made to kiss each other. Eventually, everyone needs to breathe and these two were no exception and they pulled away with smiles on their faces and Cas had a deep blush that heated his face all the way to his ears. Both of their hearts were fluttering in their chests and soon they were kissing each other again, except this time they had a new found excitement for what the other person meant.

The boys walked back to Dean’s house, their fingers awkwardly tangled in each other’s. The two stepped up on to the porch and sat down on the swing bench. Cas laid with his head in Dean’s lap and grabbed onto his free hand. He drew all sorts of lines with one hand and held on with the other. How he loved those hands, they were warm and strong, and had the capability to destroy, but Dean only used them for peace. His hands told a story, though they were both so young. His finger nails were bitten down to the quick and already had small callouses forming on his palms. The only time the freckled teen didn’t bite his nails or worry his lip was when Cas was around. It made him happy to know that about his friend, boyfriend?

Dean didn’t think that Castiel had any idea of the effects he had on him. The boy laying his head in his lap helped him learn, grow and feel some emotion beyond fear. He was so scared every day, for his brother, for his parents and just for the fact that he didn’t know anything about the future. He carded his fingers through Cas’ hair. He thought of a tune in his head. He began to hum it and the older boy looked up at him with a smile, “What song is that?”

“ _You are my sunshine.”_ He smiled, “ _My only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey.”_ He ran traced a finger down the sides of Castiel’s face, “ _You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take, my sunshine away.”_ He ran his thumb across Cas’ bottom lip that was turned up to show a toothy grin.

The two really did love each other, immensely, but sometimes love just isn’t enough.

_15 years later._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse typos, most of my writing and editing happens in the middle of the night after work when I'm about to pass out. I hope you all enjoyed this prologue, I know it's vague, but the rest of the story will fix the holes with flashbacks and memories.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel heard it. The dreadful sound of the alarm clock. He thought about shutting it off and going back to sleep. His boss, Missouri, told him he didn’t have to come in that morning, but that she would need him later in the afternoon to close up shop. Naturally, he knew better than that. Miss Missouri, he called her out of habit, would need him there right when she unlocked the door. He shut the beeping off and crawled out of his favorite place on Earth.

He walked out in to the living room/ dining room/ kitchen and sat at his little table by the window opposite the kitchen. His apartment was an open-floor plan except for the bathroom and his bedroom. Since his building was on the corner of a street, and he had the corner apartment, he got all the windows. He enjoyed the natural light during the day, but in the morning he begged for a brick wall just outside the glass. He took a minute to let his eyes adjust to being awake. Castiel was not even the slightest bit a morning person. If he had his way, not a soul would be awake before nine and not out of bed until ten.

He could feel his hair sticking in all sorts of directions and ran his fingers through it to gauge just how awful it would look. It wouldn’t matter once he got to work since he would be made to wear a hat. He dug into the little basket that sat on the table to pull out his cell phone bill. He made a ‘sick of this crap’ face when he looked at the number that seemed larger than it had the day before. He knew he could pay it on time, but it would leave him with less than he would normally have. He tossed the paper and got up. He wandered into the bathroom to get ready for the day. He got ready and headed out the door. It was his routine, and he was comfortable. He had food in the cupboards and a place to lay his head at night. Sure, he wouldn’t mind having a job that he got a degree for, but he was happy waking up and going to the little sandwich shop a couple blocks away.

Castiel enjoyed his walk to work because it meant that he could stop at the coffee shop not far away and get himself his three cups of coffee. One on the way, another when he clocked in and the third would have some ice and he would have it during his break. When he got up to the front door of the shop, there were several people headed toward the door. When he counted seven heads, he took a large gulp of his coffee, successfully draining the cup.

“Lord have mercy, boy. That coffee is gonna kill you some day, mark my words.” She laughed and gave Cas a fond smile. She handed him his paycheck since it was Tuesday. “I know you’re in a bit of a rough patch right now.” She smiled again and stepped into her office to work on some ordering.

He walked to the coat rack before opening his check. He stared at the paper and took a sharp breath, “Miss Missouri, you can’t give me all this. I didn’t work anywhere near as much for this.” He never much liked feeling like a charity case.

“Sweetie, when someone wants to help you it doesn’t always mean they feel bad for you. Now you either take that home and cash it, or I take the extra money from your next check.” From the beginning, Castiel swore Missouri was some kind of psychic. He never told her about how he is sending out more than he’s able to save, but she knew. “You work hard, Castiel. I want to reward you for being good to me, my business and my customers. You and Adam are my only employees, I’ve got some room to give here and there. Now go finish up that order for two o’clock.”

The store wasn’t super busy, like a major fast-food chain, but for lunch they always had a line out the door. Castiel prepared the rest of the order and brought it back to the cooler. On his way up, he heard the door chime. He stepped up front and nearly died. The man at the counter was quite the blast from his past. It couldn’t have been him, could it? “Dean?” He said quietly.

“I’m sorry?” The low voice that came from the man was chilling and thrilling.

Castiel snapped himself into work mode, “How are you doing today?” He asked with a smile. If he could’ve slapped himself, he would have.

The man with, of course, dazzling green eyes told him he was good and began to order a sandwich. He was tall and had a smile that made Castiel’s knees weak. From the first look in the man’s eyes, he knew it was Dean. Of course it had to be Dean Winchester to walk into the shop. He wanted to run from him, he wanted to scream, he wanted to punch him in the face. Since Cas hadn’t changed a whole lot since high school, he was not in the clear.

Dean had changed though, he grew and inch or two taller. He could tell that he didn’t have the perfect six pack he had then, but he still looked like he worked out. There were signs that time had not treated him the best. He had a couple stress lines on his forehead and his hands looked toughened. There were some scars on his fingers and the backs of his hands. The urge to reach out and touch him came rushing back.

Castiel thought he buried his feelings a long time ago, but seeing Dean again made them come back. He still managed to keep a professional demeanor and he made sure to read things out loud for him. He was in the middle of reading something on the board when the man spoke, “I always missed that.”

Cas turned to look and the smile on his face, “Me too.”

“Castiel, honey, when you’re done with his order, go sit down and catch up with him.” Dean looked at the woman at the other end of the counter.

Castiel nodded, “So, do you want to sit in here or outside?” When Missouri turned away Castiel gave a nervous smile, “She just knows things.”

Castiel grabbed his third coffee and doctored up the lukewarm drink into something better before following Dean to where they would sit. He chose the table by the window. They sat in a strange kind of silence. It wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t entirely comfortable. They both felt like they were waiting for a secret to be told. Dean wanted to pull Castiel into his arms, his attraction to the blue-eyed man still evident in the way his fingers itched from the moment he saw him standing behind the counter. After fifteen years, he could never wash away the feeling of those lips on his or the cold that his hands felt never being held by the right one.

Dean was nervous to even say ‘hello’ when he saw Cas. He wanted to turn around and drive away, but he knew that he had to do this. He needed to figure out if he was going to get closure or see if he could pick up the pieces and start from square one. But one look into his eyes and he was hooked. He was lifted off the ground and taken to a hazy summer of hand-holding and lazy kisses under the shade of the tallest tree in the woods. “So, what brought you back?”

“I was thinking about moving back home. I pay property taxes on a piece of land that I don’t even live on, so I thought I’d come back and check it out.” It wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. He looked down to the table with an anxious smile, “I always thought you’d leave this town.” Dean looked back up to look at the man across from him. There was a fond look in his eyes, “You had these big dreams of being a linguist and a historian, and traveling the world.” He looked so proud recalling the dreams of someone he loved once upon a time.

Castiel shrugged, “I did get my degree in linguistics, but life happened.” He laughed to himself, “I dropped out of school to take care of my mother when she got sick. Gabriel was across the country and couldn’t be bothered at that point.” Dean looked so confused, listening to this. He wondered how someone so beautiful and kind could have something bad happen to them, have something halt their plans. “My mother died before the semester was even over. The cancer was spreading everywhere and there was nothing we could do.” Castiel ran his hands through his hair, “I was a match for your brother, but I wasn’t a match for my mom.” He didn’t know when the tears began to fall, but they did. “I made them test everything and every single time those tests came back, I was negative. I couldn’t help her.” Castiel quietly cried. He wiped his eyes and looked out the window, “Missouri was one of our moms’ good friends, and she gave me a job when everything fell apart. I know I can’t stay here forever, but yeah. That’s why I’m still here.”

Dean did the only thing he knew to do- reach out and take Cas’ free hand, “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

“For what?” Cas didn’t like it when people kept saying sorry, because for months that was all he heard.

“For leaving you.” Dean’s eyes were screaming and his lips were crying. Cas gave Dean’s hand a squeeze before pulling it back. Castiel nodded his head for second acknowledging the apology, before shaking his head. Dean gave him a puzzled look, “What?”

The blue-eyed man swiped a hand down his face, “I’m not sure I can do this right now.” He meant the pulling, the longing, being reminded of his greatest desire and having him stare right back at him.

“Cas?”

“Dean, its been 15 years. It took a long time for me to get to a place where I could live without you. And now you’re here. You’re home.” Castiel looked at Dean with confusion and worry.

Dean pulled a pen out of his pocket and snagged a napkin from the holder on the table. He wrote something down and pushed it across the table to Castiel, “I’ll be here for a while. Call me anytime.” Whenever Dean was scared, he ran and he was doing it again. Running from the possibility of falling back in love, even though he wanted it so bad. Running from the fraction of a chance that he would be rejected, “I’ll let you get back to work, I’ve got to meet with some people about building a house.” Lie, he just didn’t want to cry.

He stood up and so did Cas. Dean stood there, as if he was waiting for something to happen. Castiel pulled the taller man into a tight hug and Dean hugged him back. Of course, Dean still smelled warm and safe, and naturally one of Dean’s hands rested on the back of his neck and the other secure around his waist. There was a familiarity to all of this, something so engrained in the both of them that time couldn’t erase their most basic instinct to hold the other. Castiel felt himself fall. It was quick, it was painless and worst of all, he enjoyed it. They held on to each other for what felt like an eternity before they let go. “I’ll call you when I get out of here.” Cas did after all need to get back to work.

Dean’s eyes lit up and he smiled, “Okay, I’ll be waiting.” He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Castiel’s cheek before heading out the door.   

“ _Shit_.” He took a deep breath in and held it until his lungs burned, not by choice. He forgot how to breathe until the feeling of Dean’s lips dissipated. Castiel went around the counter and felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. This new image of Dean in his mind was totally and perfectly beautiful. He may not have looked the same as he did in high school, but he looked like the man that he was always meant to be. He had this golden skin that made his freckles look even better and his eyes like gemstones.

Dean made it to his car before he could breathe again. He sat in his car for a few minutes with a hopeful grin. “Maybe.” He whispered to himself as he remembered the Cas he once knew and the Castiel that he had just fell in love with all over again. His hair had darkened and he had this stubble that he wanted to feel under his fingertips as he kissed those perpetually chapped lips again. And god, those eyes of his. The wonderful color of Kool-Aid blue had pierced through him and Dean remembered just how tightly wound around Cas’ finger he was.

Then he thought of his mother. Cas’ mother was always so sweet and gentle. She had taken Sam and him in for a while after his own mother died. He thought of Cas was alone through all of it. Tears stung his eyes as he drove toward the hotel he was staying. He prayed that he would get a phone call. He’d give anything to be near him again. He wanted to catch up with him, maybe pick up where they left off. They never broke up, only became separated.

After the Winchester’s home burned down, John had snapped. He lost his wife and his home. One day, he took his boys and never came back. No warning, no goodbyes. As much as Dean wanted to leave his father behind, he couldn’t leave Sammy, so he just got another job. Every penny he had went to something for his brother. He kept him fed, clothes on his back and anything left over was pitched in for bills. John’s job didn’t pay well, so he needed any help he could get. Dean’s behaviour about all of this was unasked. There were many nights that John cried in shame for not being able to provide well enough anymore, that his boys would never know about.

The hospital bills that Dean took on as his own burden were gone after a few years of putting them off to go to school. He still puts money into an account for Sam to go to school. Dean had been able to make money after opening his own dealership/ auto shop. He worked with his Uncle Bobby and had saved up enough money to be able to open another shop. This second shop, he hoped to open up in this lot a few miles down the road from his parent’s property. He could stand to stay in a hotel for a few weeks until things were sorted out and building was started.

Everything was looking up for Dean, now the only thing left on his list was to the guy. He never stopped loving Cas. The snarky, nerdy, book-wormy kid that taught him so much about life and was his anchor to a smile through the years was now again within his reach.

Dean had parked his car, which by the way he calls ‘Baby’, in the spot farthest from the door. He poured his heart and soul into this car and would do everything he could to keep her in tip-top shape. He got inside and went up to his room. He only brought a couple duffle bags with him because he could always go back and get the rest of his things once everything was set in stone. He sat down on the small couch and dug into one his bags. He pulled out an old book and smiled at the cover. He remembered what Cas had told him when he gave it to him, that he could read it and think about the next time they could climb their favorite tree. After 15 years he could read this and still picture climbing that tree, except this time his mind wasn’t seeing two teenagers, he was envisioning two grown men. Dean now knew what he looked like after all this time and it made him so happy to finally know.

He opened the cover of the book and began to read it. He still mixed up a few of the words, but after years of reading this book to himself and a handful reading it to his son, he knew the words by heart. He missed his son, Ben, but the custody arrangement was that he got him on weekends and it was only Tuesday. They were two pees in a pod. Sometimes Dean wondered where the kid got his attitude, but his ex-wife, Lisa always reminded him that Ben was his kid. Even when Sammy would watch him, he would tell him how the boy acted just like his father. Dean thought he was just the coolest six year old he had ever met, so he had no complaints.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been, but he woke up sometime later to his pocket vibrating. It was an unknown number, it must be Cas. “Hello?”

“Is this Dean?” A familiar voice reached his ears and he tensed up.

“Yep.”

He heard a loud sigh, “Thank god! The first number I dialed was the wrong one, its Cas.”

He smiled, “Hey.” He spoke softly to him, “What’s up?”

“Walking home from work. You?” He heard Cas tell some people to have a goodnight.

Of course, being concerned hearing ‘walking home’ made Dean ask, “How far do you have to walk? Do you need me to pick you up?”

“No, Dean. That’s alright. I can see my apartment building from right here, but if you want to come over you can. I don’t have any plans for tonight.” Castiel spoke as if they were still the friends they used to be and it sparked a flame inside Dean that he only wished would keep growing. “My building is on the corner of Main and Seneca.”

“Alright… Okay. I’ll be there.”

“Alright.” Castiel sounded just as nervous as Dean felt.

“Bye, Cas.”

“Bye.” The line went dead and Dean immediately started to freak out. He had to change his clothes. He couldn’t go over there in flannel and a Carhartt, could he? Maybe he would lose the jacket and he’d be fine. But why was he so scared all of a sudden? This was Cas. His Cas wouldn’t care what he wore, but that made it even worse because he wanted to look presentable for him.

He decided to lose the heavy Carhartt and just go with what he was wearing. He had on his jeans and boots, his black tee with a sage-green flannel over it. Every step he took closer to his car, the more nervous he got. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up. He knew his brother, mother, father and everybody that knew him would not approve of the habit, but it was really only times like this where he wanted to smoke one. He smoked only about half of it before he actually made it to his car and flicked it into a puddle. The thing didn’t even bother to touch his nerves so he climbed into the impala and was on his way.

The hotel was only a few minutes from Cas’ apartment building, the desire to call him and turn around was great, but he arrived before he could doubt himself for too long. He called Castiel to let him know he was there and he was given the apartment number. Cas told him to just come in, but he didn’t feel right walking into his place. He awkwardly stood in front of the door. He kicked one boot with the other and took a deep breath. He knocked on the door and waited.

On the other side of the door Castiel was just pulling a shirt over his head when he heard the knock. He just got out of the shower after being home from work, so he threw on his pajamas. He wore grey sweats and an old black shirt that was a size too big. He did his best to tame the mop on his head on his way to the door, but it was no use. There were two things he would always have: chapped lips and sex-hair. He opened the door and his heart leapt into his throat, “Hey, Dean. I said you could just come in.” He smiled.

“I didn’t want to be rude.” Dean sounded so shy and the only indication besides his voice was the flush of his cheeks. Cas stepped out of the way and motioned for Dean to come in. There was no turning back now and it wasn’t that he wanted to, he just didn’t like the feeling of wanting to reach out and take something that used to be his and couldn’t have it back. Cas looked amazing and that wasn’t helping. The collar of the shirt he wore hung low enough so he could see definition in his chest and something else, “Cas, is that the shirt I gave you in high school?”

He looked like a deer in headlights, “Well, you didn’t really give it to me. Remember? You told me I looked sexy in your clothes so I never gave this one back.” He walked over to the kitchen, which was to the left of the door, and pulled out two mugs, “Do you still drink your coffee black?”

“Do you still drink tea?” Dean asked with a devious smile. It was funny how they still knew the little details of their old relationship. Castiel nodded with a barely there giggle and poured up their drinks.

He brought the mugs across the way into his living room and set one down on the coffee table and sat down on one end of the couch. Dean followed and picked up his cup and drank from it. He sat down on the other end of the sofa and just looked at the man across from him. He could not stop looking at him and thinking about how beautiful he was. He felt like a teenager all over again.

Castiel felt the same way. As much as he wanted to crawl over, snuggle up with Dean and make him sing Johnny Cash or the Beatles to him, he knew that they were not the same people they used to be. Dean was a gorgeous man after everything he dealt with in the past. He still held life in those wonderful green eyes. “So, how’s Sammy doing?”

“He’s good, Cas. He’s really good. He’s in college to be a lawyer.” Cas loved to hear him talk about his brother’s accomplishments. There was a happiness that washed over him that was infectious, “He’s been with this girl, Jess. She’s a sweetheart and they’re great together.” Dean smiled wide, “He got into Stanford. He’s going to be a lawyer.”

Castiel smiled and looked down to his cup, “He’s still cancer free and everything?” After 15 years, he assumed.

“Yeah, Cas.” Dean’s voice broke, he looked to the man across the couch as tears spilled over the edge, “He wouldn’t be here without you.” Dean was forever thankful for what Cas did when his family couldn’t. “I’m so sorry about your mom. I’m sorry for leaving you. I never told you I loved you enough.”

Castiel was quickly across the couch pulling Dean into warm arms. He wanted to tell him that it was alright and that nobody knew that life was going be so cruel to them, but if he spoke he would break too. “You never had to.” Damn it, “I already knew.” The older man tried as hard as he could to not cry, but failed. He cried against Dean’s shoulder, “but you’re home now.”

Neither of them wanted to cry, but it was all that they could do in that moment. There were so many unspoken words, goodbyes, apologies and missing affections that broke the dam and they held onto each other for dear life. The two men held onto each other like there was nothing else left in the world. They wanted to be so much more to each other than the familiar stranger they grew to be.

Castiel had calmed down and lifted his head while Dean hid his face in the older man’s chest. Dean felt fingers carding through his hair and it helped to calm down. He squeezed Castiel before looking up to meet his eyes. Cas wiped the tears from Dean’s cheeks and leaned his forehead against the other man’s. “Can I kiss you?” Castiel sounded so innocent, like he wasn’t welcome to love Dean after so long. With his eyes closed, Dean nodded. The blue-eyed man pressed his lips to other man’s.

Despite the emotions they were feeling, smiles spread across both of their faces as they kissed again and again. Each moment of contact held more fervor and neediness as if to make up for lost years. They tasted the saltiness of tears, but the sweetness of each other. Their hands wandered, but never too far from a spot that they could pull closer. There was a pleasant realization in both of them, that their lips still felt the same. Their bodies still melted together as they laid back on the couch. They broke apart and looked at each other. Green and blue meeting with love and happiness. They say if you love something let it go, and this time it came back.

“I never stopped loving you.” Dean said as he pulled Castiel in.

Cas rested his head against Dean’s chest, “Me either.”

They laid on the couch in each other’s arms for a while and dozed off. It was almost as if they picked up where they left off, because they felt a happiness that had disappeared long ago. The connection between the two that was broken was quickly being repaired and it was good. Nothing more, nothing less. It was good.

Castiel felt a soft rubbing on his side, and he snuggled in closer to Dean, “Hey. I think I should get going.”

Castiel sat up with half open eyes and groaned. “Hmm?” Dean crawled off the couch and to his feet. Castiel quickly woke up when he saw the other man walking over to the door, “No, stay here. Stay with me.” To any other person he would’ve sounded rude, but Dean knew that was how Cas was on the verge of begging.

Castiel walked over to Dean and took his hand, “Let’s go to bed.”

They could sort things out in the morning. The world would still be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are much appreciated! Thank you for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

“I have nothing to sleep in, Cas.”

Cas still held onto Dean’s hand, “Just wear your underwear, I guess.” He laughed when Dean rolled his eyes. He sat down on his bed, “In the second drawer there should be some shorts. And bathroom is the next door over.”

While Dean disappeared into the bathroom, Castiel laid down on his bed and buried his face into the pillow. His smile was uncontrollable, but it scared him. What scared him more was just how great Dean looked in just his shorts when he looked up. He must’ve been gawking a little too long, “What?” Dean asked. “So are you going to move over, or should I take the couch?”

Castiel silently moved over and Dean crawled into the bed beside him. Dean turned into the other man on the bed and wriggled his way to lay against his side. He rested his head on a clothed chest and was comforted when Cas’ arm snaked around him. Things seemed to be falling into a place that they once knew. An absent-minded kiss was pressed into the younger man’s hair as Castiel reach over to switch on his alarm. He didn’t have to wake up terribly early, so that meant he got to keep Dean in his arms for a while.

Castiel closed his eyes and went back to a time when things were different. Hospital gowns and signatures. Worries and tears. Castiel remembered going to have a saliva test done. He remembered Dean not being a match, neither were his parents. He remembered the blood test being done too. About a week later he did receive word that he was a perfect match for Sam.

_“Mom, I’ll be okay!” Castiel was confident on the outside even though on the inside he was horrified. He wanted to have Dean in the room with him, but he couldn’t have anyone there with it being a sterile procedure._

_He laid down on the table and the procedure was once again explained to him to make sure he understood. He would be put under a general anesthetic, meaning he would be out. While he was asleep, a long needle would be inserted into the back of each side of the pelvis to ‘harvest’ the bone marrow. He would wake up in a room, in a bed with his family all around him. Luckily that was all true. The doctor placed the mask over his face and asked him to take several deep breaths. Cas couldn’t remember if it was the fourth breath that put him under, but the next thing he knew he was awake and his hips hurt._

_“Hey there.” Castiel looked to where he was sure the voice came from and saw the most beautiful boy holding his hand, “Are you actually awake this time?”_

_He felt his cheeks get hot as he nodded his head, “You are really handsome!” He smiled wide. “Mom, do you see him? I think that I know him, but wow!” He looked at his mom and she was having a grand ol’ time watching this. Castiel looked down to his captive hand, “are you my boyfriend or something? Man, would I be a lucky guy.”_

_“I am.” The boy beside him smiled and it struck Castiel silly, well sillier, he had the greatest, liveliest eyes he had ever seen._

_Castiel sighed and couldn’t contain the giggle that escaped, “I saw you in my dream when I was sleeping.”_

Castiel was woken up by the sound of something. It wasn’t his alarm clock and he couldn’t pinpoint it, but he slowly opened his eyes and realized that Dean was still attached to his side. Attached was putting it lightly, the man was essentially an octopus with half of the appendages, but the older man didn’t mind it. The sound he heard was snoring. He forgot that Dean snored. He smiled as he watched the man in his arms sleep.

He began to count the splatters of freckles, starting at the top of his ear, working his way across to the crow’s feet by his eye. 49, 50, 51, 52. “After all these years, you are still going to watch me sleep?” He always wondered how Dean always knew, his eyes were closed for Christ’ sake!

“I’ll have you know that I was counting.”

“My freckles?”

Castiel ran a finger down the other man’s cheek, “You have more of them now.” He kissed Dean’s forehead when he looked up to him. “But still so beautiful.” Dean’s cheeks became red, “An angel must have really liked you.” Castiel smiled softly.

Dean hummed, “You must be the angel then. You were the only one that ever kissed my cheeks that much.” Castiel’s heart fluttered at the name. He remembered when Dean would call him ‘his angel’. It excited him to hear that, “ _My_ angel.” Dean shifted himself so he could press a warm kiss to Castiel’s lips as a way to say ‘good morning’. This time when their lips met, there was no sadness or apology, it was sweet and kind. “What time do you have to work today?”

“Not until 11. Why?” It was hardly eight and he could surely have went back to sleep. He hadn’t slept this well in years. He had gotten so used to sharing a bed with Dean when he was a teenager that the transition to adulthood left him lonely at night. Now that he felt the warmth of Dean beside him again, relaxing was second nature.

Dean reached a hand up to push a few unruly waves from Cas’ face, “I was thinking maybe I could make you breakfast or we could go out. Club 86 is still open, we could get some bad coffee and even worse breakfast sandwiches.” There was a sly smile on his face as he finished the last sentence.

“Hey, I only burnt that sandwich because you were distracting me!” Castiel poked at the other man’s stomach, “God, I got in trouble for that.” He laughed. He pecked Dean on the lips, “You always came in to see me.” He kissed him again.

Dean could get used to this again, waking up to kisses and laughter. He smiled, “You were always excited to see me. I don’t know why, I thought you went to work to get away from me.”

“Definitely to get away from you. Or maybe because you burnt a hole in my wallet with your nasty diner habit.” Cas laughed as he pressed a finger into Dean’s stomach again. He remembered when he would press a hand there and it was hard muscle, now he felt a little bit more give, but just below that was still the brawn. To be honest, Cas loved it. He loved Dean. There wasn’t anything that could stop that.

Dean sat up and leaned against the wall, “Yeah, look at what that habit did.” He let out a laugh to hide the fact that he was bothered. He pointed to his stomach.

“Dean.” Castiel crawled up and rested his head against a warm chest and settled his hand on Dean’s stomach, “So what? You don’t have the rock-hard abs that you used to. You are 32 years old, you won’t look like you’re seventeen forever.” He looked up to Dean, but kept his hand in the same spot. “You are still the gorgeous guy I fell in love with. You’re still my best friend. I wouldn’t lie to you. You’re beautiful.”

He never knew how, but Cas always said the right thing. Always made him feel like he wasn’t so small and awful. He gave a small smile as the words sank in and kissed the man looking at him. He pulled him into his arms and held him tight. He could smell a bit of coconut in Cas’ hair. He always did like using that sweet, fruity shit in his hair, but Dean would be lying if he said that he didn’t love it.

“Let’s get ready. I know where we can go, but we gotta be quick.” Dean squeezed the other man and started out of the bed. Cas loved the sight of him in his shorts. They were just a touch too small on him and left almost nothing to the imagination. He remembered nights of foggy windows and backseats, lazy make-out sessions and panting in the summer time.

When Dean turned to him he snapped out of it, “Yeah, there’s towels in the closet.” When he left the room, Castiel planted his face in a pillow. He smiled and did everything to contain the giggle that slipped out. He closed his eyes and maybe he could doze for a few more minutes. If this was how he could spend the rest of his life, boy would he do it.

Dean got in the shower, but not before standing back and looking at himself in the mirror. He never did this, because it always made him feel inadequate and irritated. This time, he felt better about it. He wasn’t going to have the body he had when he was seventeen and suddenly he was alright with that. Maybe this feeling of satisfaction will fade, but for now he was just going to shower and be happy. Being around Castiel again made him so happy. He almost forgot why he came back home in the first place.

Castiel had showered while Dean got dressed. Dean rummaged through the other man’s dresser, just to see if there was anything that fit him. He had found a pair of pants in the bottom with the tag still on them. He smiled because Cas never tried things on at the store, he just assumed everything fit by the numbers. He threw those on and went digging for a shirt. Dean swore up and down that he wasn’t a germophobe, but he was not about to wear yesterday’s clothes. He found a plain, green shirt that looked way too big to fit Cas. After getting dressed he began to smell coffee.

He walked out of the bedroom to see Cas almost struggling to stand up against the counter. He was facing away from Dean with only a towel around his waist. He quietly walked up behind the older man and wrapped his arms around him. Dean rested his chin against his shoulder. His skin was still warm from his shower. He loved feeling the skin on Castiel’s waist and stomach, the warmth and tone of the muscle beneath his fingertips. He felt fingers snake into his own. Castiel leaned into him. Dean buried his nose into the other man’s neck, taking in his smell. The smell of coffee and clean skin was enlightening. He pressed soft kisses to Castiel’s neck. They were nothing to spark intimacy. They were only meant to bleed affection into soft skin. Dean could sense the smile that lurked underneath those wonderful lips and the dance his muscles wished to let loose.

In Cas’ mind, he was in heaven. He had the only man he ever loved holding him close and he had a pot of coffee on. The only thing he was missing was a cat. That was all he needed. Just Dean and a cat. The rest of it could burn. They stood by the counter for a few more minutes, Dean giving him kisses all over the place and Castiel just squeezing Dean’s hands with a calm smile. The coffee machine beeped, indicating that there is a light at the end of the half-lidded tunnel. Cas let go of Dean’s hands to reach for a couple of mugs and he felt warm arms wrap tighter around his torso.

Dean missed holding him like this. Nuzzling his nose into his hair and squeezing him tight. The smell of coffee and Castiel. He knew he’d have to leave at some point, but this was what he needed. He knew Cas needed this too. Love. They both needed love, affection and closeness to someone familiar. Even though he wanted to stay forever, he was going to get the phone call to meet with contractors and people from the bank. He was going to build his second shop, get it up and running, and be on his way again. He would have about a month and a half to figure out if this really was home or just a place to stay. He hoped it was just as easy for Cas to fall back in love with him as it was for him. Some people would call him selfish for what he was doing, but he wanted this to be it for him. He didn’t want to leave Castiel after finding him. He hoped that Cas would ask him to stay. He knew from the start that this would be a two way street, one was his and the other belonged to Castiel.

“Dean?” A rough voice derailed his train of thought, “Dean, would you like your coffee? If not, I don’t mind drinking both.” He laughed softly, knowing exactly where Dean went. When the arms around his waist lifted away, he almost shivered at the cool air that invaded the area.

The younger man reached for his mug and headed for the table by the window. Castiel was soon to follow. “So, I’m not entirely here just to check out some scorched property.” He took a sip from his cup, “I was actually out here to build a second auto shop, get it running smoothly and be on my way.” He felt the sea of blue in Castiel’s eyes become a bit stormy.

“So, why didn’t you tell me this yesterday?” The older man was going to press further, but chose to see just how much Dean would tell him without asking a bunch of questions.

Dean shifted in his seat, “Because when I saw you, it went out the window. When I found out that you were still here, I wanted to find out if I could make _this_ home again.” Dean motioned his hands as if to encompass everything in front of him. “If I left everything vague, then I would be able to leave if I needed to.”

“Why do you like to run so much?”Castiel’s eyes softened. He knew that the other man didn’t do this out of spite or anything outwardly destructive, but because he didn’t want to ruin something before he had the chance to. “Do you remember our promise to each other?”

Dean nodded his head, “Yeah. That I’d wait for you.”

“And I’d wait for you.” Cas lifted his mug to his lips and drank. He learned that this was a good technique to piece together his next few sentences. “In 15 years, I haven’t found anybody and believe me, I’ve tried. I’m pretty sure you’re it for me, and the fact that you are here, in my house, drinking my coffee, and making me feel like I’m 16 again is testament to keeping that promise.” He kept a straight face because he didn’t know whether to smile or cry. “It’s a two way street, Dean. I’m honest with you and you be honest with me. I have nothing to hide. I’m in love with you, still, and that’s that.”

Dean was almost speechless, it was like the man across from him could read his mind. “I’m still in love with you too, but I broke my promise to you when I left.” He could feel it all coming back and those emotions stung his eyes. He looked down into his coffee mug, “I left you in that kitchen without saying goodbye. I cried for weeks because I couldn’t say goodbye, or tell you how much I loved you.” He wiped his eyes as tears began to fall. “I run so much because I’m scared that I’m going to fuck everything up, just like I did before.”

_There was a knock at the door, but the two teens paid it no mind. They were doing their best to help Sam not think about it. The three of them were working through a book of Mad Libs. It was something easy and quick to get little Sammy to laugh, even if it was just a little bit._

_“John?” Dean heard Cas’ mother say, he heard more talking but couldn’t make out the words. He pulled his hand out from around his waist. Cas gave him the knowing look. The two decided when they first got together that no matter what, it would be better if John didn’t know about them._

_Castiel stood up. “Where you goin’, Cas?” Sam asked._

_“I’ll be right back, I’m just getting something to drink. Do you want anything?” Both Winchester boys shook their heads. As he left the room, he heard his mother and John’s conversation gaining heat. He stood in the hallway for a minute listening._

_“They are_ my _children, and I’m choosing to take them.”_

_“You need to think about what’s best for them. Where are you going to go John?” Castiel’s heart sank._

_His nerves forced him to focus on his movement and pretending to not hear anything, then actually listening. He kept walking. Down the staircase and into the kitchen where John and his mother stood. They both looked at him as he filled a glass of water. As he turned to walk away, he felt a hand on his shoulder, “Honey, will you go get the boys?”_

_Cas nodded and started for his room._

“Stay with me. Go get your things from your hotel room and stay with me.” Castiel looked at Dean with such desperation. He wondered to himself when he starting crying so often because he felt wetness against his cheeks again. “You want to see if this is home then that’s what it will be. _You_ are home, my home. The only piece of my life that isn’t gone forever. So while I’m at work, get your stuff and come back here.” He finally wiped at his face. He was sure he was going to dry up from being so emotional this early in the morning.

Dean nodded. That was all he had, nodding. At this point Cas could tell him to jump out the window and he’d do it. There was next to nothing he wouldn’t do for him, especially now. “Okay.” He knew he wouldn’t finish this cup of coffee so it didn’t matter much when he watched a tear fall into the mug.

None of this was exactly cathartic, but rather a slow release of tensions and emotions. It’s always easy to start with the bad stuff, not because the good would outweigh it all afterward. It was easy because no one really needs to let their positive experiences bleed out unless they are asked to. This was their beginning, the do-over. They needed to sift through the murkiness and let it settle so they could see their way back to the shore. Once this was over, the two would be able to rest. For now though, this would be it.

Castiel finished his coffee and went for his bedroom. He dropped his towel and began to dress for work. He turned around as he was pulling his jeans on, he felt eyes on him. For some reason Cas’ heart sank, “Sorry, I’m not used to people being over.” He zipped and buckled his pants while he threw on a shirt. “Why are you watching me get dressed anyways?”

“Oh come on, I always watched you get dressed for work.” There was such wonder in his voice while he watched the other man dress himself. Cas sat to put his socks on and Dean walked over to stand in front of him. He stood up and leaned onto the other man.

“It was weird then and it’s weird now.” He mumbled against Dean’s shoulder.

Dean laughed, “And what about showering together after we would have sex? You were naked then.”

“Ah, that’s only because I _let_ you see me naked.” Castiel actually enjoyed being shorter than Dean, now that he noticed. He used to have to bend his neck to rest against his shoulder, but now he could lay his head nicely against his chest. Cas smiled, “Would you stay if I got a cat?”

Dean rolled his eyes, “You know I’m allergic. Hell no.” He couldn’t help but smile though. Cas had always wanted a cat, but if he was going to be staying in that apartment then a feline was going to be nowhere near it. He felt Cas giggle at his reaction.

“That’s ok.” Castiel wrapped his arms around the taller man and squeezed him, “I’ll get you to say yes some day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will piece together as the story goes on. Sorry for slow updates, I'm going to try and update more often.


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